Finding Professional Support
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In this episode, Marnie and Duane discuss the unique and often challenging process of finding the “right” help in the aftermath of betrayal. They stress the importance of a collaborative and systems-focused approach to relational helping and address the potential pitfalls of using a non-relational model, including further trauma.
10 questions to ask a potential therapist/coach when healing from betrayal trauma.
- How do you work with couples, partners, and individuals who are struggling with betrayal trauma?
- What experience do you have in working with couples, partners, or individuals that are struggling with sex addiction and/or betrayal trauma?
- How would you approach collaborating with other therapists that we may want to work with?
- What is your perspective on therapeutic disclosure?
- Do you facilitate therapeutic disclosures? If so, how much experience do you have?
- If you endorse and facilitate disclosures, what is your perspective on using a polygraph?
- How do you know when therapy is not working and how do you address it with your clients?
- What is your perspective about 12-step programs?
- How do you work with trauma overall?
- Are you familiar with treatment-induced-trauma as it relates to betrayal trauma?
? Am I able to submit a question direct to Marnie?
Hi Marni, first, thank you so much for what you are doing! I would love to speak with you about a few things.I wrote a book on recovering from addiction when I healed myself for my eating disorder.
I have some ideas as well as some feedback for the newcomers from the talk I attended today.
Looking forward to connecting with you. Many blessings and thanks again.
Thank you for this podcast. It’s refreshing just to hear professionals acknowledge the difficulty couples have when looking for therapists who are partner sensitive and who will actually help the relationship.
Now for a semi-related tangent, if I may . . .
What would you suggest for addicts attending 12-step programs that promote a “His side of the street/Her side of the street” mentality? I (as well as other partners) have been negated, even vilified, by groups/sponsors when advocating a mutual approach to recovery. And, I have yet to find a therapist (even when claiming to be betrayal trauma informed) who doesn’t promote attendance in a 12-step program as being necessary for the addict (and strongly advisable for the spouse).
In my experience, the conflicting messages that the addict receives undermines the couples efforts to include their relationship (not to mention the partner’s healing) in the recovery process. I believe it’s time to get out of the dark ages of 12-Step groups being perceived as necessary for recovering sex addicts. The relapse rate for sex addicts in those groups should prove we need better options. Unfortunately, as long as therapists keep advocating and filling the rooms of SA, SAA, and S-Anon, I fear we’re unlikely to envision a different kind of support system (other than costly group therapy options) that function to promote the recovery of the addict, the spouse, and the relationship.
It really is a tripod recovery process for married sex addicts. I feel the absence of such treatment has been a major contributor to the recent demise of my marriage.