Marnie & Duane discuss why it is so difficult to rebuild trust after betrayal.
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3 Comments
Kim
on February 19, 2020 at 1:08 am
I think a road block further into recovery for the couple could be emotional abuse that hasn’t been fully addressed.
As I got further into my healing I finally realized that I was being triggered regularly by abusive tendencies I didnt alway see. Gaslighting, manipulating, blame shifting were all behaviors that protected my Hs secrets. Now I see that those behaviors are ingrained in his personality. It happens in both big and small ways. From who spilled the milk to who accessed this website…the abusive responses are the same.
I believe that the abusive behaviors should be fully addressed and recognized by both spouses EARLY in recovery. The addict needs to break away from those behaviors.
In our case…even tho he is ‘sober’ those tactics remain present in all aspects if his life. Home and work.
If the gaslighting about spilled milk is triggering a trauma response….healing can never take place because u are constantly retraumatized by the feelings that go along with being abused that way. The trauma response then triggers the addicts ingrained response….and the abuse cycle continues
Thank you for you both of you taking the time in acknowledging people’s Feelings. These podcasts have helped me immensely. I actually listen to them several times because there is so much to learn.
Remember, you don't have to do this alone! When you join our email list, we will alert you when a new HCH episode is released and give you the links to any downloads. Also, we will provide you with updates about upcoming workshops, online webinars, and any other relevant information.
I think a road block further into recovery for the couple could be emotional abuse that hasn’t been fully addressed.
As I got further into my healing I finally realized that I was being triggered regularly by abusive tendencies I didnt alway see. Gaslighting, manipulating, blame shifting were all behaviors that protected my Hs secrets. Now I see that those behaviors are ingrained in his personality. It happens in both big and small ways. From who spilled the milk to who accessed this website…the abusive responses are the same.
I believe that the abusive behaviors should be fully addressed and recognized by both spouses EARLY in recovery. The addict needs to break away from those behaviors.
In our case…even tho he is ‘sober’ those tactics remain present in all aspects if his life. Home and work.
If the gaslighting about spilled milk is triggering a trauma response….healing can never take place because u are constantly retraumatized by the feelings that go along with being abused that way. The trauma response then triggers the addicts ingrained response….and the abuse cycle continues
Kim, thank you for commenting. I think this is often the roadblock to deeper recovery. Addressing it directly promotes healing for everyone.
Thank you for you both of you taking the time in acknowledging people’s Feelings. These podcasts have helped me immensely. I actually listen to them several times because there is so much to learn.